Thoughts on Lean Six Sigma

Here are some random thoughts that plague me about this whole Lean Six Sigma thing. I think that these are the burning questions that I think keep all of us up at night, especially if we have eaten a double dark chocolate espresso sundae while reading a Six Sigma textbook right before going to bed.

• Why do we need so many sigmas? Wouldn't two or three do the job? Is it just because it makes the name so nicely alliterative?
• What's a KPI (pronounced "Kippy"), and why is everyone so excited about them? Is it any relation to Skippy, Alex P. Keaton's nerdy friend on the 80s sitcom Family Ties?
• What is the difference between Lean Six Sigma and regular Six Sigma? Does it involve Splenda?
• Is it possible to discuss Six Sigma while eating without spraying food on your neighbors? (Go ahead: try it.)
• If you were to use Lean Six Sigma for BPR to create a TQM SDLC and become ISO 9000-compliant while raising your CMM level, would your head explode?

All very important questions, I think you'll agree, and all critical to success whatever your chosen field of endeavor. If you have ever thought about, heard about, or known someone affected by Lean Six Sigma, I urge you to think long and hard about these issues before you return to work. It might just save your life.