Crack the (use) case

Today, boys and girls, we're going to talk about use case modeling. Now, I don't want you to make the same painful mistakes that I did when learning about this topic a few years ago, so let me just set a few things straight right now:

  1. There is nothing funny about Use Case Modeling. Even if you think that "RUP" sounds like somewhere Scooby Doo might tell Shaggy to look if there were a ghost above his head, please keep your levity to yourself. This is serious business, people.
  2. UML does not, apparently, stand for the University of Massachusetts at Lowell. Nor is it an acronym for Unsafe Military Landing, even though that *would* be a cool name for a band.
  3. Even though we spend a lot of time talking about "actors," no real actors will be present at the session. Not even Ben Affleck, though he's probably available.
  4. Use cases are not a special kind of suitcase for carrying only useful clothes, and no one will actually be modeling any clothing. Therefore, bringing an expensive camera to a use case modeling training session in the hopes of getting your picture taken with Heidi Klum is a complete waste of time.
  5. Finally, while it is an effective tool for modeling and improving business processes, use case modeling should not be used in the home. It is especially unsafe as a tool for explaining to your wife why all of the crap your mother-in-law brings from her house should be shipped off directly to the Salvation Army. Unapproved uses of use case modeling such as this may result in serious personal injury. Trust me on this one.

I don't actually have any useful suggestions about use case modeling. I just wanted to share these thoughts. The smart people at Wikipedia, however, can get you started if, despite my warnings, you still want to pursue this challenging topic.

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