Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Curse, Shmurse: they did it!

Sox win! Sox win! Sox win!

After 86 years, a World Series championship returns to Boston!

Can I sleep now? Please?

Kerry's -- no, wait -- Bush's name left off the ballot!!!

Kerry Left Off Some Absentee Ballots

It's an epidemic!

Absentee ballots leave off GOP presidential ticket

I suspect a secret Green plot to get David Cobb elected by confusing voters so badly that neither the Democrats nor the Republicans can gain a majority. I mean, think about it: there have to be a lot of Green supporters running the copiers that print these ballots. Or it could be simple vengeance from Naderheads angry that Kerry's supporters want him thrown off the ballot in Pennsylvania and Ohio.

Here's the quote that scares me the most in the Cincinatti article:

"I knew enough to see something was wrong," said the voter [who received the misprinted ballot], who asked not to be identified. "But you wonder whether others maybe didn't notice it before they sent their ballots back."

If the person casting the ballot doesn't even know who the major party candidates are, should they be voting? Are there well-informed US citizens out there in the world saying, "Hmm, I thought the Democrats were going to run someone this year, but I guess they decided to wait until Hillary's ready in 2008?"

Now that's scary.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Two down, two to go...

Here's a great column that perfectly captures the feeling in New England these days. Page 2 - Hey, why not us?

And since you asked, here's how I'm feeling:

My fantasy football team lost this week, thanks to a typically weird weekend. 56 points from one team, all on the ground? Come on....

Am I upset? Nah, not really, because there's this strange energy surging around the entire New England region. People are smiling as they shuffle through the drifts of brown leaves. Drivers wave happily at each other, using all five of their fingers. AM radio is suddenly much more popular than FM, and Fox has almost 100% viewership in prime time. Why? Because the Sox are in the Series. Not only that, they're up 2-0.

Now, I didn't grow up here, but frankly, last year would be enough for me to understand that you don't count your playoff wins before they're hatched. As a matter of fact, even if the Sox win four games, I expect most fans will still check the news for several days to make sure the MLB commissioner doesn't overturn one of the wins. Still, people are excited, and for some reason it feels different this year. For real.

We beat the Yankees, and almost all of the bizarre calls went our way. Sure, Ortiz was really safe when he accidentally stole second in Game 6, but Bellhorn's home run and Rodriguez's glove slap were called correctly. The umps didn't steal the game away. Yeah, the Sox have four errors per game so far in the Series, but they won anyway. Mueller booted two balls, but then he caught a wicked line drive and tagged the runner for a double play. These guys aren't seizing up the way other teams have. It just feels... different.

I won't predict that the Sox will win. I know that St. Louis has crushed their opponents at home this year. I will wait for fifteen minutes after any Sox victory to make sure it actually happened. Then I plan to run around my neighborhood barefoot, yelling at the top of my lungs along with all the other crazy people.

Why not us?

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Can you hear me now?

My new neighbor in the cubicle farm is a loud talker. Or, rather, a LOUD TALKER. If he were a keyboard, he would be stuck in all caps with the Caps Lock key forcibly removed. His mutters are speeches, his normal speech a shout, and I shudder to think what he does when he wants his voice to carry. I know more about his project than I do mine, mainly because his booming nasal voice has driven all independent thought from my head. Except the sweet, sweet whisper of the darkness. That's always there.

Have you ever spent a considerable amount of time next to someone like this? It's like being trapped on a transcontinental flight next to an obsessive-compulsive sharer. In short order, every detail of this person's life is imposed upon you, and you feel your own self slipping away under the deluge, your grip on reality failing as you are pulled under by the torrent of words.

And there are plenty of words. My new friend has an opinion on everything, and is certain to his very marrow that everyone else not only wants his opinion, they need it. He is convinced that everyone else with whom he works (present company always excepted) is a total idiot, and needs everything explained to them in the most minute detail. When they ignore his enlightenment -- which after a while they all must, if only out of self-preservation -- he takes this as proof that he is the only person who knows what's right.

Believe it or not, I have never actually spoken to my neighbor directly. I gather all of this excruciating detail from his conversations with his neighbor, who is working on the same project. They loudly debate every twist and turn in the fascinating tale of their project whenever they are able to take a break from telling everyone else what they should be doing. For fun, they sometimes call over a third person, so that all three of them can gather around one cubicle "doorway" and discuss what they should do next to make everyone see the light. At these times, they lower their voices to a conspiratorial holler. It's a little like invisibly attending a very boring cocktail party.

Has anyone seen my headphones? Or some earplugs? Please?!?

Monday, October 04, 2004

Denmark finds the brighter side of global warming

Denmark to Claim North Pole, Hopes to Strike Oil

Finally, someone counteracts all the doom and gloom predictions from those whiny scientists! The best part of Denmark's plan is that, if they do find oil under the ice, we will be able to keep driving our massive, gas-guzzling vehicles for many more years, thus increasing global warming and making even more of the Arctic circle accessible for exploration! It's rumored that their long-term plans are to open the southern coast of Greenland as a tropical resort in 2055.